Original Dino-Davisms

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By ‘Dinodave’ Fuqua
Thursday, March 19, 2020
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When a farmers wife leaves him, she usually writes a John Deere letter. ​

There is no Jenny Craig in England, because who would want to lose 20 pounds?​

I was watching a tennis match between Wozniaki and Sharapova. For me the score was always love-love.

If someone said you are “1 in a million”, if you are a twin you are only one in 500,000. ​

In college my kitchen garbage can was just like the game Jenga. ​

Rhodes scholars also have good street smarts. ​

When I am confused, I scratch my head. However, when I scratch my butt you can bet I know exactly what’s going on. ​

When you are a geologist, hitting rock-bottom isn’t so bad. ​

Never take financial advice from Henry Wrinkler, It’s nothing but a darn Fonzie scheme!​

The reason dump trucks beep when they back up, is because the drivers cuss too much. ​

Never wave to a surfer.

I may be a village idiot, but at least I’m a village idiot savant.​

So then, who made China?​

I just bought some spring baby chickens. They were cheep!​​

I was reading a book on graves. I wish it had a better plot. ​

Every group of vegetarians have a dominant alphalfa male. ​

Irony is having to spellcheck the word college.

​I keep forgetting where I put those pills that help me remember.

I am not sure what a restraining order is, but I a sure am glad Jennifer Anniston finally wrote back to me.

At the time, the day of my birth was the greatest day of my life. ​

Sometimes I wish I was one of those strange people with 30 pets, because I am running out of passwords.

​Taking away my guns would mean my wearing long sleeves. ​

I went to the theater last night to see a show called “Dictionary”. It was a play on words. ​

The African Gnu, otherwise called a Wildebeest is the most abundant species in Africa in both population and biomass. There, you learned something Gnu today.

I’ve just been diagnosed as a pathological liar…… or have I?

​I don’t like it when blind people try to read my mind.​

I watched a video on Youtube that was titled “Get sexier in 90 days!” All it did was tell me how to make more money. ​

The more fingers missing, the better the shop teacher.​

Being an uncle is like having a friend with a boat.​

Kell Clarckson likes to sing songs about my paycheck: “Already Gone”​

If a roofer calls in sick, they usually have “shingles”. ​

Schizophrenics are never lonely.​

If you change your GPS to a man’s voice, then it tells you all the shortcuts. ​

Never buy anything from a wide receiver. There is always a catch.​

My vehicle air conditioner is a summer air conditioner. Summer the time it works, Summer the time it doesn’t. ​

I just read that Brazil is going to open a new wax museum. I think a Brazilian wax museum is a bad idea.​

Never do donuts in the parking lot, it attracts the cops

​If you need somebody to love you, name your dog Somebody.

Felix Baugartner claims he has the record for the shortest base jump at 95 feet. Sorry, but I believe I have him beat by 94 feet.​

How do shepherds stay awake counting sheep all day?​​

Never buy a boomerang from a store with a nonreturn policy.​​

Unless you are from Alabama, it should be called a teeth-brush. ​

The problem with being a gymnast is that their world is always turned upside down.​

I think that grocery store cashier girl likes me, because she is always checking me out.​

Sometimes Waldo visits the psychologist in hopes that he finds himself.

If a gypsy stays in one place for too long, they get vacation sick.​

Horse races are sometimes won by a nose. Drag races are sometimes won by an Adams apple.

Dave Fuqua is a Glendive native. You can find out more about him at dinodaveadventures.com. He can be reached at Makoshikadave@gmail.com.

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